I have this shame about my feelings for my twin flame. It’s not shame about him, or that I like him—it’s shame that I’m not good enough for a love like that. I feel like I don’t deserve it. At first, I thought it was just the physical pull that made me feel this way. The attraction was so strong it scared me. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I’d act cold or be rude just to put some space between us, because feeling that much made me feel like I was losing control.
Things have shifted a little since then. I can look at him now without looking away, but it’s still messy. He’s with someone else, and honestly, that gives me a strange sense of relief along with the heartbreak. At least I don’t have to face the possibility of actually being with him. I’ve accepted that nothing physical will happen, but the urges are still there, hidden. I’m scared to be alone with him because I don’t trust myself not to feel things I shouldn’t.
I know the obsession isn’t healthy. It takes over and it doesn’t feel like me. I try to keep my distance, but it’s hard. I think both the shame and the obsession come from my ego, from some part of me that wants to protect itself or wants to own something that can’t be owned. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this way. How do you keep the shame and the obsession from taking over? Is this just part of the whole twin flame thing, or is it something I need to work through on my own?
