I still have that red sweater somewhere in the back of my closet, though itās so worn and pilled now Iād never wear it out. I remember the first time I met him, I put it on without thinking much. Just a regular morning, grabbing something warm. He said the color brought out something in my eyes, I canāt recall his exact words. But that moment was somewhere I wanted to stay forever. So the sweater stayed too. Years passed, but I couldn't let it go even when the fabric started thinning and the collar stretched right out of shape.
Later on, when I got word it was going to be the last time I saw him, I tried on half my closet. Nothing felt right. Blankets on my bed were making a mess on the floor because I threw clothes everywhere. I just kept running my hands over every last hoodie and top until I ended up with this other red one that seemed to stare up at me. Switching back and forth took way longer than I'd admit. I even showed up a little late to the train station because of all the choosing and re-choosing and running my hands down sleeves once more. That second one is also still in my closet now, somewhere, holding memories of both hurry and hesitation. I donāt reach for it oftenāmaybe saves some stronger part of myself that still drifts back to those afternoons.
I have not shaken this connection to red since those goodbyes clamped down around my heart aching full. Someone told me once, my twin on my physical reconnection with a red piece they connected to absolutely and for another time entirely more intimate journey drew meaning drawn from fire in strands connecting far hotter inner existence parallels again blood pulsing whenever similar sights pop along mental sidelines paths retrieving not another single former day so extremely entire significance placed inside the presence physical reflections wearing lining these other word flowing out through spoken minds with everyone remember inside turned fashion keeps attachment unwavingly done and through creating links chaining whole outside being to silent beats another person kept tight unwakening again perhaps never here finding really final end space releasing permanently somehow still holding woven sentiment many wearing threads long earlier past morning pure raw twang.