Lovechild88 I hear the pain in your words, Big Hugs to you đ¤
I get it completely. Not only is the pain unbearable, so is the inabililty to âlet goâ when you truly want to. We are drawn to our TF because thereâs something in their mirror we need yet to face, all to force us to heal those things and become our best selves. But that offers basically no comfort when youâre in the thick of it, I know.
Iâm like you; I pour my heart out, try to keep things alive, research everything, try to understand everything, in order to hold onto my twin. But this is a perfect example of a place to heal. WHY do you believe you have to overfunction, and take responsibility for doing the work in places they are failing to show up? Normally the answer is; because if we DONâT, everything will fall apart and weâll lose them.
This likely stems from an anxious attachment style (runners seemingly of the avoidant variety) that taught us to âclingâ to love so it doesnât abandon us. We do better, understand more, try harder to keep it. This is the chasing. We also turn around and blame ourselves as a way to explain why the unthinkable happened, and our True Love left us behind. But this is where we self-abandon.
We need to turn all that energy weâre giving our twin onto ourselves instead. They will mirror your energy. So if youâre focused on them, theyâll focus on themselves. If youâre focused on yourself, theyâll begin to focus on you. This helps motivate me to turn inwards on myself when the pain strikes. Last thing I want is to give him MORE of a reason to think only of himself, lol.
So when you feel hurt, quickly as possible turn your focus onto yourself. For me, this felt like a physical, uncomfortable sensation, because that anxious attachment means ever fiber wants to âclingâ to my twin when triggered so I donât lose him. But the quicker I dive into my own pain and do the inner child work, the quicker I get through it, and the less it hurts the next time.
Anyway, big support to you. You are not alone âď¸
