Why do I still chase my twin flame when it hurts so much?

Lovechild88

I don't want to be a twin flame anymore. The idea once brought me hope, but now it just feels like a burden. I'm so confused and sad about how things have changed with someone I was once so close to. It's hard to accept that the connection we had is fading.

I've always been the chaser, pouring my heart out, trying to keep things alive. It's exhausting and painful. I can't help but feel jealous when I see them with someone else. It's like I'm losing them all over again, and it hurts so much.

Looking back on the past two months since we met in person, I wish I had done things differently. Maybe I shouldn't have let things get so deep. The twin flame idea made me believe we were meant to be, but now I'm not so sure. It feels like just another way to describe the constant push and pull that's tearing me apart.

I just want to feel like myself again, to not be trapped in this endless cycle of chasing and hoping. I wish I could let go of the pain and the longing. I don't want to be a twin flame anymore because it's breaking my heart into pieces.

If anyone else feels like the chaser, I'd love to hear from you. It helps to know I'm not alone in this. I just need someone who understands what it's like to hold on so tightly to something that's slipping away.

StarGirl

Lovechild88 I hear the pain in your words, Big Hugs to you 🤗

I get it completely. Not only is the pain unbearable, so is the inabililty to “let go” when you truly want to. We are drawn to our TF because there’s something in their mirror we need yet to face, all to force us to heal those things and become our best selves. But that offers basically no comfort when you’re in the thick of it, I know.

I’m like you; I pour my heart out, try to keep things alive, research everything, try to understand everything, in order to hold onto my twin. But this is a perfect example of a place to heal. WHY do you believe you have to overfunction, and take responsibility for doing the work in places they are failing to show up? Normally the answer is; because if we DON’T, everything will fall apart and we’ll lose them.

This likely stems from an anxious attachment style (runners seemingly of the avoidant variety) that taught us to “cling” to love so it doesn’t abandon us. We do better, understand more, try harder to keep it. This is the chasing. We also turn around and blame ourselves as a way to explain why the unthinkable happened, and our True Love left us behind. But this is where we self-abandon.

We need to turn all that energy we’re giving our twin onto ourselves instead. They will mirror your energy. So if you’re focused on them, they’ll focus on themselves. If you’re focused on yourself, they’ll begin to focus on you. This helps motivate me to turn inwards on myself when the pain strikes. Last thing I want is to give him MORE of a reason to think only of himself, lol.

So when you feel hurt, quickly as possible turn your focus onto yourself. For me, this felt like a physical, uncomfortable sensation, because that anxious attachment means ever fiber wants to “cling” to my twin when triggered so I don’t lose him. But the quicker I dive into my own pain and do the inner child work, the quicker I get through it, and the less it hurts the next time.

Anyway, big support to you. You are not alone ⭐️

SkywardGuard

Have you ever experienced a situation where the pain felt overwhelming, but the healing that followed was even more profound? It’s a truth I’ve come to understand over time—that the process of healing, though it may be slow and difficult, often brings growth and strength that far outweigh the initial hurt. I’ve learned that when we endure hardship, it shapes us in ways we only fully appreciate later. The healing isn’t just about mending what was broken; it’s about discovering a resilience we didn’t know we had.

For me, this became clear during a particularly challenging time in my life. The pain was real, and it felt like it might never subside. But as I navigated through it, I began to see how the experience transformed me. The lessons I gained, the relationships that deepened, and the newfound perspective I developed all stemmed from that journey. It taught me that while pain is inevitable, healing is where the true power lies. And in the end, the light that emerges is always worth the darkness we’ve walked through.

DewdropXie

I’ve been feeling stuck in this twin flame journey, like I’m just holding on to something that’s not moving forward. Sometimes I wonder, why am I still wishing for a different past? Every person who comes into our lives does so for a reason, whether it’s for a season or a lifetime. I’ve come to believe there’s a bigger plan, and even the tough stuff is there to help us become who we need to be. Maybe it’s time to stop fighting what is and just embrace the journey as it unfolds. Life’s twists and turns are all part of who we’re meant to be.

Skydreamweaver

I don’t want to be a twin flame anymore. Honestly, I’m exhausted with the idea that everything has to align in some grand, cosmic way for love to work out. The early spark is amazing, but let’s be real—things change when the excitement fades. I’ve noticed that sometimes people, especially men, seem to lose interest once they feel like they’ve “won” you over. It’s like they’re chasing the idea of you, not really investing in who you are.

If someone is truly meant to be in your life, they’ll show up consistently, not leave you waiting for some destined moment that may never come. I think we cling to the idea of twin flames because it feels romantic, but it can also keep us stuck in limbo, waiting for someone who isn’t putting in the effort.

Instead of holding on to the idea of a cosmic connection, maybe we should focus on what’s right in front of us. Date, explore, and enjoy life without putting your happiness on hold for someone who isn’t reciprocating your energy. Ask yourself if this person is helping you grow or if you’re evolving on your own despite them.

And let’s not ignore the possessive reactions that can come up when you start moving on. It’s a red flag if someone only cares about your growth when it benefits them. You deserve someone who celebrates your progress, not someone who tries to control it.

At the end of the day, your worth isn’t tied to whether someone else sees your value. Focus on building a life you love, and the right people will come along for the ride.

FloralSip

Are you finding yourself caught in the paradox of insisting, “I don’t want this, but I can’t seem to let it go”? That tension is entirely yours to navigate, and you have the power to decide how to act. If, deep down, you truly have no desire for it, the most compassionate thing you can do is release it and move on. I’ve been there—holding onto a situation that felt uncomfortable yet refusing to abandon it—until I finally recognized that letting go restored my sense of freedom and allowed my will to flow unimpeded.

HorizonBlue

I really don't want to be in this twin flame thing anymore. I've realized that focusing so much on one person, thinking they're your twin flame, can actually hold you back from growing. It's easy to get stuck on someone who might not even be interested, and that just wastes your time and energy.

When someone says they're not into you, you should believe them. Chasing after someone who doesn't want you back isn't healthy—it's more like co-dependence. I'm learning that being independent and working on myself is so much better! It makes me feel stronger and actually helps me have better relationships in the future. Letting go of these intense attachments feels freeing, and I'm excited to focus on my own journey instead of waiting for someone else to complete me.

MidnightBane

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of twin flames and those labels that often come with it, like "runner" and "chaser." I used to get so caught up trying to figure out which one I was, or what my connection meant in those terms. But the more I reflect, the more those roles feel like games—and not the kind I want to play anymore. In a healthy, mature relationship, shouldn’t being together feel natural, not like a chase or an escape?

When someone tells you they want to move on, I believe the kindest thing we can do is honor that. Real love isn’t about holding on when the other person is honest about needing something else. It’s about respecting their truth and letting them find their own happiness, even if that path doesn’t include you. In my own life, I’ve come to see that an honest goodbye can be a gift—it’s a sign of respect for both people’s journeys.

So now, if I’m being real with myself, I don’t want to be a twin flame anymore. I want to be at peace with transitions, to let go with grace, and trust that every ending creates space for a new beginning. Instead of focusing on what was lost, I’m trying to focus on growing from it and moving forward with self-respect. Life keeps changing, and sometimes the bravest thing we can do is just let it.